This morning I have been thinking about the reoccurring topic right now of the "Perfect Mom." Last Sunday in Relief Society we were talking about this. Many times in society the illusion of motherhood is everything is going to be perfect and if its not you are inadequate. If anyone has been a victim to that it was me. In my head I thought I was going to wake up every morning and it would be bliss. That I would be happy and content with waiting on my baby hand and foot. When Tatum was born that illusion couldn't have been further from what I really felt. I never expected in my wildest dreams that my trial was going to be Postpardum Anxiety OCD. I remember looking back and reading articles on others that had come out of this and would think to myself, "That is never going to be me. I am always going to be stuck here." But today I am in my own apartment, waking up in the morning, getting Tatum, opening the blinds, listening to music while fixing breakfast, bathing Tay and putting her down for a nap and so on. Some days are harder then others, some feel lonelier then others and some days I have to deal with anxiety and talk myself through it.. But I am doing it and I couldn't be more grateful for that. I look back at that time and couldn't imagine how hard that was for my sweet husband. I couldn't imagine being in his place and being as graceful as he was. He was my relief when he came home and made me laugh and remember glimpses of me. He was my comforter when I felt so scared. He never lost hope or confidence in me. His support and priesthood blessing helped me have strength to press forward. The support that I had from him made the healing process a lot faster. He was their for me in ways that no one else could have been.
With all that being said sometimes I think in life we imagine how things are going to go especially with motherhood. We set our expectations up to the perfect mom that we see in others but that is the worst thing we could do. I am learning to be okay with not being "Perfect." I look at Tay and try to be the best mom that she needs by being me and pray that's is good enough. But at the end of the day that's all we can do. Not compare ourselves to every other Mother that seems to have everything put together. But seeing ourselves in Heavenly Father eyes and seeing our successes with our children that he sees. One of my Priesthood blessing that my Dad gave me said that I have done enough in Heavenly Father eyes. It was amazing to hear that. My dad has a wonderful gift of giving blessing.
Today their are many times that you look at a picture of a mom with her baby and think her life is glamorous and yours fall short but the truth, like my wise sister Niki said, most moments with a mom and daughter are in private and can't be captured by a picture. When Tay was born I remember feeling so overwhelmed to create that but now being in my own place I love creating those everyday. I love that little girl with everything I have, even when she slept with me last night and her cute little feet were in my face. Being a mom has been a journey for me and honestly at times has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced but the minute I let go of my expectation to be perfect it has been so much better! By the way Tay is walking everywhere!! I love it!
Flowers
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Chicken Pillows, Bar Soap Ands Ants
Everyone should be applauding because this post is dedicated to me being me again with a touch of humor. I hope you all enjoy!
One night at our apartment while Tatum was playing, Garrett and I were watching T.V. I looked at the time and realized I need to make dinner soon. I proceeded to go into the kitchen and look through my fridge, picking my brain trying to find something to make. Realizing I had crescent rolls and cream cheese I thought, "Oh yummy lets do Chicken Pillows, oh wait but we don't have any chicken." thought of the next best thing, borrow some frozen chicken from my mom. I asked Garrett, "Hey I need to go crab some stuff at my mom's do you mind watching Tay?" Garrett sweetly responded, "No that's fine" I grabbed the keys, walked out the door, got in the car and left. I arrived at my mom's went upstairs, got Garrett's fan to help him sleep and pillows. Then went downstairs got some of Tay's toys, some food for her, a blender, and finally a Ziploc bag and put chicken in it. Since I am not superwomen and don't have four arms I decided to use Garrett's pillow as a grocery sack so I could avoid making multiple trips. When I got back home I toke everything out and started making dinner. Chicken Pillows were finally ready and were delicious!
A few days later my mom came over. She was sitting on the coach doing computer work and I was doing my normal routine. Well making the bed, I picked up Garrett's pillow. I noticed their was something that felt rubbery in the very bottom in the corner. As I pulled it out I saw a light pink almost fleshed, rubbery, dried up thing. I walked outside with this in the palm of my hand to show my mom and watched her reaction while I was still in shock. She goes, "What is that?" Drum roll please, it was frozen chicken that had fallen out of the Ziploc bag from my mom's house and stayed in Garrett's pillow! Oops I must have not seen that! My mom and I started laughing for a good ten minutes. Garrett is also very particular about his things which made this even better. How he didn't realize it for three days I do not know! That will always be a mystery.
I made Taco Soup and while I was eating I thought it was hotter then normal. We had company over the next day and before they arrived my mom was helping me make the Cheese soup. I was vacuuming real quick and I see my mom coming toward me. She showed me the cheese and informed me that their was jalapenos in it. Well duh no wonder it was hot! When she asked Garrett if I knew about that he said I don't ever read labels. (He doesn't either.) FYI I also got whole grain wheat thins instead of the really good kind. Grocery shopping and me struggle.
One day I walked into our room and asked Garrett, "Hey their is something that has been itching my upper back all day can you see what it is?" Garrett responds, "What the heck Brittany, how does that even happen?" My response, "What is it." Garrett, "It's a bar of soap." That is a very good question, I don't know how that happened. Possible I toke a bath and it stayed there??? In my defense not that I have one it was very thin. All I know is I almost wet my pants laughing so hard.
I saved the best for last in my opinion. Garrett didn't have to go to work until later in the morning so I decided to make a big breakfast. Pancakes, eggs and muffins. Garrett was downing the pancakes faster then he could say one word. He thought they were the best pancakes I had ever made. After getting his made I sat down to eat mine. While pouring the syrup out of the bowl I looked at the residue of the syrup. Me, "Garrett what are those black dots?" Garrett, "Oh my gosh that's disguising, those are ants." I once again die laughing and look in the bowl and bottle of syrup. Their was not just a couple, a few, a dozen their was a lot. That day we added a new item to the Sinclair menu, Ant syrup pancakes!
Everyone is probably thinking how does any of this happen. Well its happens to me all the time but I love it. It makes me do my favorite thing, LAUGH! It makes my days brighter and happier. So if you ever think your having a bad day just ask yourself, "Did I have thawed out chicken in my pillow and sleep on it for three days, soap on my back or eats ants?" If the answer is no, then your having a great day and if yes you have the opportunity to laugh your heart out!
One night at our apartment while Tatum was playing, Garrett and I were watching T.V. I looked at the time and realized I need to make dinner soon. I proceeded to go into the kitchen and look through my fridge, picking my brain trying to find something to make. Realizing I had crescent rolls and cream cheese I thought, "Oh yummy lets do Chicken Pillows, oh wait but we don't have any chicken." thought of the next best thing, borrow some frozen chicken from my mom. I asked Garrett, "Hey I need to go crab some stuff at my mom's do you mind watching Tay?" Garrett sweetly responded, "No that's fine" I grabbed the keys, walked out the door, got in the car and left. I arrived at my mom's went upstairs, got Garrett's fan to help him sleep and pillows. Then went downstairs got some of Tay's toys, some food for her, a blender, and finally a Ziploc bag and put chicken in it. Since I am not superwomen and don't have four arms I decided to use Garrett's pillow as a grocery sack so I could avoid making multiple trips. When I got back home I toke everything out and started making dinner. Chicken Pillows were finally ready and were delicious!
A few days later my mom came over. She was sitting on the coach doing computer work and I was doing my normal routine. Well making the bed, I picked up Garrett's pillow. I noticed their was something that felt rubbery in the very bottom in the corner. As I pulled it out I saw a light pink almost fleshed, rubbery, dried up thing. I walked outside with this in the palm of my hand to show my mom and watched her reaction while I was still in shock. She goes, "What is that?" Drum roll please, it was frozen chicken that had fallen out of the Ziploc bag from my mom's house and stayed in Garrett's pillow! Oops I must have not seen that! My mom and I started laughing for a good ten minutes. Garrett is also very particular about his things which made this even better. How he didn't realize it for three days I do not know! That will always be a mystery.
I made Taco Soup and while I was eating I thought it was hotter then normal. We had company over the next day and before they arrived my mom was helping me make the Cheese soup. I was vacuuming real quick and I see my mom coming toward me. She showed me the cheese and informed me that their was jalapenos in it. Well duh no wonder it was hot! When she asked Garrett if I knew about that he said I don't ever read labels. (He doesn't either.) FYI I also got whole grain wheat thins instead of the really good kind. Grocery shopping and me struggle.
One day I walked into our room and asked Garrett, "Hey their is something that has been itching my upper back all day can you see what it is?" Garrett responds, "What the heck Brittany, how does that even happen?" My response, "What is it." Garrett, "It's a bar of soap." That is a very good question, I don't know how that happened. Possible I toke a bath and it stayed there??? In my defense not that I have one it was very thin. All I know is I almost wet my pants laughing so hard.
I saved the best for last in my opinion. Garrett didn't have to go to work until later in the morning so I decided to make a big breakfast. Pancakes, eggs and muffins. Garrett was downing the pancakes faster then he could say one word. He thought they were the best pancakes I had ever made. After getting his made I sat down to eat mine. While pouring the syrup out of the bowl I looked at the residue of the syrup. Me, "Garrett what are those black dots?" Garrett, "Oh my gosh that's disguising, those are ants." I once again die laughing and look in the bowl and bottle of syrup. Their was not just a couple, a few, a dozen their was a lot. That day we added a new item to the Sinclair menu, Ant syrup pancakes!
Everyone is probably thinking how does any of this happen. Well its happens to me all the time but I love it. It makes me do my favorite thing, LAUGH! It makes my days brighter and happier. So if you ever think your having a bad day just ask yourself, "Did I have thawed out chicken in my pillow and sleep on it for three days, soap on my back or eats ants?" If the answer is no, then your having a great day and if yes you have the opportunity to laugh your heart out!
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